The Great Wall of Carmen

I've hit that point in the quarter folks. I've been working so how to get over my fears and boost my confidence level in regards to my art work. And yes, I've made a great deal of progress but I've hit a wall where I feel like I can't do anything; homework, classes, professor interactions...it's all gone. This happens a lot, and each quarter a begin with excitement and drive. This quarter was no different. But the more I unlock that explains why I am the way I am, the more difficult life becomes. Pandora's box anyone? And I can see much if not all of what I do to myself and that I am the only person in my way, but I don't know how to push forward. I feel like my sense of self is at stake from both angles in the case; to change or not to change...and how? And so far, 6 people have told me, "Let go" and "Confidence, all you need is confidence." Which, on the one hand, feels good because they know I'm close to really excelling at what I do. On the other hand, it hurts because those phrases seem so easy but in practice are terribly difficult to take and master. Meanwhile, I keep battling illness and have projects due. The last one being the one to put me over the edge: storyboard animatic. I was told in my 2D Design class, many years ago, by both my peers as well as my professor that I couldn't compose my drawings and so now I believe I can't and absolutely freeze when it comes to these projects. Storyboarding class was miserable for this reason. I'm the same way when it comes to 3D. Only in that case, I am the one who tells myself, "I can't", and then I really can't. Though, I did try very hard and am proud as hell of the 'C' I received in that class. But of course, there's also the added stress of needing a certain GPA to graduate...I don't know, I'm just out of it. I don't know what writing this will do, if anything...but I feel it must be said. In the meantime, I keep trying.

Valentine's Day & Project Proposal

Hello all,

It's Valentine's Day and I've hit some snags. I keep pushing forth in my Concept Development class. However, after turning in the first draft of my script I noted that there are several errors and some scenes must be separated into multiple scenes while others must be compressed into one. We were aiming for 16 scenes with as many shots as needed, but hopefully the fewer the better. I ended up having about 21 scenes with not too many shots per scene. That being said, everyone had about that many shots, some people had upwards of 30. Our next assignment is an animatic which we are to edit in Toon Boom's, Storyboard Pro. It being Valentine's I'm in Florida instead of Georgia to visit my boyfriend who just had his tonsils out, I don't have access to the program. So, I went online to buy the programs and overnight them to the Florida address, a $30 fee, and it won't get here until I'm gone because my order took longer to process than it should have. Hopefully the $30 will be refunded. So just now I banged out some thumbnails for my rough, I will use my WACOM to draw these loosely in Photoshop, in layers, edit them in After Effects and Premier so that I have something to turn in and then import the Photoshop files into Storyboard Pro for a redo. It's the best I can do. But let me tell you, even though I won't be getting the programs when I need them, they are phenomenal. The stuff you can do is amazing. So I'm excited about that, though I would still love to get my hands on AVID because editing is really enjoyable for me, as well as play around with Final Cut (same reason) and Stop Mo Pro for my projects. Though Premier has a setting for stop motion. 

At any rate, things are going but they're stressful as I want to make a great film. I've always wanted an Oscar and though I doubt this will get me that, it will at least be a step towards it. Or towards an equally exciting honor. 

Ah, my film! I forgot to tell you all what it's about. Here's the proposal:

A girl sees the flashing of eyes in a forest. The eyes belong to a deer who represents the “creative spirit.” This girl becomes highly intrigued and follows the sound of the deer’s bounding hooves through the forest. She keeps getting close, even close enough to gently graze it’s fur but it keeps escaping. Soon the two hear other people running toward them. The deer bounds off again and the girl watches as hunters pass. Now both the deer and the girl fear for the deer’s life. She joins the chase, hoping to somehow protect it. When she arrives in a clearing it is too late, the deer has been eviscerated for the things which it holds inside; coins representing riches and a broken mirror in which a creative soul, such as this girl, can see itself. The girl kneels by the body and picks up a shard from the mirror, looks into it and is still able to see her reflection even through the blood. Not fully understanding the creative spirit’s resilience, she hangs her head to cry. She thinks she will not longer feel the power and joy from it’s guidance and presence; I.e. she thinks she will never create again. Suddenly there comes a light from before her, she looks up to see that the spirit has risen again like a phoenix from the ashes. Joy spreads across the girl’s face. The girl takes its hide and stretches it, we end watching her paint or draw a deer on vellum made from it’s skin. (Maybe begin story with close ups of her drawing but because she’s not close to finished and because the shots are so tight on the vellum we can’t tell what she is drawing. The end shot would thusly reveal the deer and the fact that the creative spirit is hard to kill off.)